Relationship Goals

People sometimes share pictures of their (or someone else's) relationship, using the hashtag relationshipgoals. Posters believe these images depict an aspirational romantic relationship. Some critics say the images do not represent reality and feel contrived. Nevertheless, an online search of the phrase would produce more articles than you could read with examples or tips for relationship goals. It is a hugely popular topic. The primary purpose is to grow closer as a couple and have a healthy and lasting relationship.

None of this is bad. It is important to think deeply and pray about the direction of every area of our lives. Having goals can help us do this. However, this got me thinking about the goals we could have for growing closer to God. Our relationship with God is the most important relationship we will ever have because we are created to know Him. God desires to have a close relationship with us. What does that look like? How do we get there?

Thankfully, we do not need to look far to find the goal of our relationship with God. Perhaps we have heard people talk about going higher, deeper or walking more closely with God. But what does this mean and how do we do it? Unless we understand the purpose of any relationship we cannot effectively assess our progression. We would also struggle to identify actions to improve it.

Relationship Versus Religion?

I have often heard that God wants a relationship rather than religion. I agree that God wants a flourishing personal relationship with each of us. However, sometimes thinking in terms of relationship versus religion can cause people to downgrade the importance of so-called religious activities. Things like reading and studying the Bible, prayer and fasting can indeed be done religiously when practised out of obligation rather than devotion to God. However, religious observance can play an important part in our journey to a deeper relationship with God. It's a bit like someone going from being a company employee to their boss's close friend over time. They may initially go to work to meet their needs but gradually find a valuable relationship that motivates their performance and commitment.

Maintaining important personal relationships may require effort and sacrifice. We may feel we must reorder our priorities, change our schedules, deal with past hurts or improve our communication skills. In truth, these things are optional because we can choose whether or not we will do them. We decide whether we will do what we believe is necessary to achieve our relationship goals (whether or not we call them that). This is true of our natural relationships and of our spiritual relationship with God (John 4:24).

God is calling each of us to a relationship with Him that will cause people to want what we have. Not the stuff we have, but a relationship with the God we know. We can't fake or stage this kind of relationship. It cannot always be put into words let alone captured on a screen. A true sign of being blessed is a life that proclaims and glorifies God. This attracts people to God.

God's Number One Relationship Goal

In Isaiah 61:1-3, God's relationship goals for His people are revealed:

"that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified" Isaiah 61:3 (ESV).

In Psalm 92:13-15, we see again that we are planted and we flourish for one reason - to declare God is upright and our foundation (rock).

Those who are planted in the house of the LORD Shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bear fruit in old age; They shall be fresh and flourishing, To declare that the Lord is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him. - Psalm 92:13-15 NKJV

Being connected to the correct source is crucial. It is only possible through trust. This is why the Psalmist says that there is no unrighteousness in God. God is in no way and at no time evil, wicked or unjust. He is trustworthy and trust is key to any healthy relationship, including our relationship with God.

It Starts with Trust

The song says, Trust and obey, for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey. It is so true that obedience born of trusting God is a key to enjoying our walk with Him. Jeremiah 17:7-8 lets us know trusting God plants us exactly where we need to be.

Do you know that God respects our boundaries? We cannot get closer to God than our level of trust allows. If you do not feel close to God check your trust levels. If you feel you trust God deeply, there is always more. Could it be that a feeling of separation from God is really a call to trust Him more? The level of trust that was okay in a past season might not be sufficient for where you are now or where you are going.

In many places, the Bible tells us God is faithful or steadfast. This means God is trustworthy. God can be trusted all the time and in all circumstances. Any issues we have with trusting God are not because He is untrustworthy or unfaithful. The cause could be our lack of knowledge or understanding of God. It could be because we have been hurt or let down by others so we find it difficult to trust anyone, including God.

There is no one like God, so our relationship with God will not be like our relationship with anyone or anything else. Even the best earthly father does not demonstrate God's fatherhood perfectly. The purest earthly love is nothing compared to God's love. We have things to compare God to which help our understanding but we can only truly know and trust God by getting to know and trust God.

The Shepherd-Sheep Relationship

I once read that you can tell how much a sheep trusts the shepherd by how closely they walk to them. Sheep who trust the shepherd least will be found the farthest away. The more they trust the shepherd, the closer they will walk. You see, sheep (and other animals) have a flight zone. It is an area around them they do not want people or other creatures to enter. Other sheep are not perceived as a threat so sheep are usually happy to walk closely to other sheep. Sheep will have a flight zone for anything they perceive as a threat. The more threatened the sheep feel the larger the flight zone.

When the shepherd enters a sheep's flight zone the sheep will move away to maintain what they perceive as a safe distance. If the shepherd encroaches on a sheep's personal space further the sheep will become stressed and display erratic behaviour or run away. Over time, a shepherd can reduce the size of the flight zone by always handling the sheep well and being mindful of encroaching too far into their flight zone.

Shepherds must understand and work with their sheep's flight zones to get their sheep to move where they want. They cannot effectively guide sheep otherwise. When a shepherd like David calls the Lord his Shepherd (Psalm 23:1) he is aware of the dynamics of the shepherd-sheep relationship.

In Psalm 23, David relays his experience of being God's sheep and lists why he trusts God. By the time we get to verse four, we see God is with him. The flight zone is non-existence. Instead of being threatening, God's close closeness is what enables him to be unafraid in the valley of the shadow of death. In verse 4 the word "with" is the same word Adam uses for Eve in Genesis 3:12. It is linked to another word which means to tie or to bind together which is why one translation says, "for you are close beside me" (NLT).

As the sheep continue to experience the shepherd's goodness they trust him more and the flight zone reduces. The Psalm ends with a declaration that tells us David trusts God with his future.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever, Psalm 23:6

This verse signifies the confident expectation of good to come in this life and the next. His hope for the future is produced by present trust based on past experiences.

Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Shepherds use their knowledge of sheep's flight zones to get them to move. Feeling uncomfortable with the proximity of the shepherd causes them to move away. By standing in the right place the shepherd can direct the sheep. The shepherd is not trying to make them uncomfortable for the sake of it. The shepherd uses the discomfort to guide the sheep. When we feel uncomfortable we need to keep trusting God. There are things that we would never do unless we experience a level of discomfort. Rather than running from God during these times, we would do well to draw closer to Him.

Whether or not we have a long or new relationship with God we have a history we can draw on. If we cannot immediately see God in our personal history we can see God in his story as laid out in the Bible. Wisdom learns from the experiences of others. Faith can trust God based on the experiences of others. That's why hearing the testimonies of others is powerful.

Trust God More

So how do we trust God more? Trust is built as quality time is spent together in a variety of settings. The more we know of someone the more confident we can be in their character.

Get to Know God Better Through His Word

Do not oonly read your favourite parts the of the Bible. Read it all over time to gain an overview of God revealed through His Word. We often have an ideal relationship with the Bible. We may be clear about what we would like this to look like and how much of the Bible we will read each day, week, month or year. We may want to be able to quote a range of Scripture with ease and confidently discuss concepts. Our reality may not match our ideal but it is important to keep striving.

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14 (ESV)

Start with reading, but include meditation, memorisation, study and Scripture writing. We know God through His Word. To try to know God without prioritising time in the Word of God will lead to error. Reading the Word trains us to recognise God's voice.

Get to Know God Better Through Prayer

God is not our "Dear Diary"; somewhere to express our feelings without the ability to reply or act. God wants us to cast our cares unto Him (Psalm 55:22; 1 Peter 5:7). God wants us to talk to Him. God also wants to talk to us. We need God to hear from God. Remember, God creates with words. One word from God can change our entire lives. Prayer is more than talking to God. Prayer involves communicating with God. It's two-way. The more we listen when we pray the more we will hear God.

Try starting your prayer with God in extended periods of submitted and expectant silence. Wait for God. Let God lead your prayers.

Blessing in Action: Relationship Goals

Consider your relationship with God. How is it? In what areas do you trust God? What parts of your life and heart do you feel secure in God, and where could you trust God more? Consider these questions over a few days trust God with your answers by talking to God about them. Ask the Holy Spirit to show where and how you can trust God more. In the areas where trust needs to grow (we all have them) take daily steps towards trust by sharing your innermost fears and feelings with God. Where applicable take some action.